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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Who I am

It’s rare for me to come across people who stop me in my place with advice or a good scolding. If you've been able to do this to me then you are a very important soul in my life. It was simply brought to my attention how much I don’t live in the present moment. 

“But who are you now?” – Such a simple question that provoked such an experience.


 I continually talk about the person I want to be yet fail to recognize who I am now, today, and in this moment. I seem to be so concerned with what I've had in my past and what I want for my future that I don’t even recognize where I am now in my life. How am I supposed to let go of my past if I’m constantly reflecting? How am I supposed to take the necessary steps to get to my future goals if I can’t get my head out of the clouds enough to make it happen? Expressing my desire to be a better person does no good until I am actually being a better person. Knowing where I want to go in life has no possibility if I don’t master and accept who and where I am now. 


In this moment I am 27 years old. I just moved back to the Bay Area. I am hunting for a fulfilling job that will coincide with my personal values. I am surrounded by the unwavering love and support of family. At this very moment I do not feel anxiety present. There is nothing to worry about other than the concrete facts. All the abstract distractions that could live in this moment are cleared and I feel like I've opened one of the doors, that over time, I've closed on myself. Now has never felt so damn good.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

On Beginning with the End in Mind


L.A. - an end goal I kept in mind.

Last week I briefly mentioned how in order for me to become a more effective person I need to, "Begin with the end in mind."

I'm a dreamer but I've never been much of a planner. There's a difference right? I hope and imagine constantly. I imagine how I'd like my life to end up, the kind of environment I'd like to be working in, or things like my future home with a wonderful husband. What I find missing from those end results is the actual equation to yield them. I'll admit that I lack the sense of internal power and confidence in my own direct influence that Stephen R. Covey speaks of in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Most of my life I did not truly believe that I can literally make those things I dreamt and hoped for happen. Although, I spoke a lot about my plans for the future, deep down I wasn't realistic with what I had to do to get there and sadly, thought I'd get lucky and be given an opportunity. I wandered aimlessly at times or stayed in unchallenging situations with work and school only because I lacked the motivation to take responsibility for the power I was unknowingly capable of having. I can even say that I maintained relationships because I didn't realize that I was deserving enough to receive, work towards, and contribute to better ones.

Times that had I begun with the end in mind were when I was under a "temporary environmental pressure" like a summer's diet or the new year which are both times where everyone was setting a goal. Now that I look back I realize that I gave something up or made a resolution because everyone else around me was doing the same. That environmental pressure was not permanent though and as soon as the hype died down, so did my motivation to stick with my promise.

These past 6 months have been testimonies to beginning with the end in mind. I began little by little to set specific and practical goals for myself and now that some time has passed I am seeing positive results of my powerful thoughts that I didn't allow to be knocked down by insecurities or road blocks along the way. This progress is motivating and I have continued to apply this habit to my work and personal life. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit and although it's been what seems like 21 years of ineffective thinking, my paradigm shift in a new direction is allowing me to effectively begin with the end in mind.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Writing Pearl

A quote I found on a wall in L.A.'s Art's District.
Nearly 5 months without a blog post and I find myself in a new year. So much has changed since my last post in August of last year and even more since the August before that. Life has taken me to Southern California to live and work towards finding myself, my career, the possibility of true love and most definitely,  a stronger relationship with God. I struggle with my end goal as I am still deciding what I'm most passionate about. I know that I must, "Begin with the end in mind," in order to mold myself into an effective person. The path I have been building for myself is coming along little by little and I continue to lay down the bricks that pave my own way towards a career. At times I find that someone has placed a brick down for me and I am thankful. Those who have come into my life through networking have been nothing less than blessings. I am in a new place and around new people. I constantly discuss with people around me what they'd like to do for a living in hopes that I would find my own answer but no matter who I ask or what they tell me, I am at odds with myself. Do I want to be a teacher? A counselor? A writer? I like photography but am I good enough? Do I have the right credentials? Where do I start? It's easy to talk about many things and dream out loud. Hearing myself speak on what I love to do sounds so simple and the answer seems so obvious. My true passion entails wanting to write, inspire, and continually provoke my own creativity through it all. Even as I write this my own common sense says I am deserving, I am smart enough, and that I am capable.

I hope that in the near future I can focus on one of my passions in order to see which I enjoy the most. Actually, instead of hoping for a shift in the right direction I am going to make one. New year's resolutions don't ring my bell, so this next decision is not associated with the change of a digit on my calendar. I see it as giving one of my passions a true chance to blossom into something bigger. I need to write. Write more and talk less. I will explore more than new places to eat, cool wine bars, and scenic viewpoints (although I won't stop doing all of those either). Instead of tweeting aimlessly into oblivion a deep thought provoked by a personal experience, I will expand on it through a post, learn, and help others learn from it. When I picture a certain snapshot in my head and intensely search the internet for something similar, I will instead take my DSLR out to shoot it myself. As I reblog, repin, retweet, or reanything, I will also strive to create my own whatever it may be for others to reblog, repin, and retweet. I will seriously, whole heartily, explore my talent as a writer, as a blogger, and aspiring photographer. Allow me to raise my Bluetooth mouse in the air as a declaration, cheers! Cheers to hearing more of me through my blog and possibly other publications!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Negligence

Child negligence will get you jail time. Car negligence? Well, it'll get you exactly where I am now. Sitting at a car shop in Los Angeles forking out cash and time. Cash that was supposed to be for groceries and time originally dedicated to exploring my new city. A simple issue, when neglected, can turn into bigger problems that may not have occurred if you had dealt with them when the warning signs appeared. Haven't we all been here? You see the warning signs, you feel them and if it's a relationship you may even be the one giving them. The point is they are there and you may be pretending like they aren't for the sake of yours or someone else's feelings. Turning our head to the warning signs can then lead to an extreme jolt of reality that grabs our attention and by that point it may be too late to fix. Allowing issues to come to this point can really make you question if what it may take to repair the damage is really worth your time and effort. Am I still talking about cars here?
Salvage or not?
Only you can gauge what worth means to you. Salvaging a car depends on your finances. Salvaging a relationship depends on the amount of time and effort you're* willing to spend to save what was once functional.


*The thing about relationship salvage is that it'll only be successful if both parties see eye to eye on its worth. 


So, ask yourself: Is the damage worth the salvage?

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Purpose of "The One"


Is finding your perfect match like trying to find that all-in-one make-up brush that embodies the ability to achieve every look in cosmetic heaven? Is it like trying to find someone to accentuate our best assets, tone down our flaws yet not take up too much space in our life with tons of baggage?

The other evening as a Kelly and I sipped guava mimosas at a local park, the subject of how hard it seems to be to recognize if you've found “the one” came up. We spoke about our array of friends and how each and every one of them fulfills certain purposes in our lives.You have friends who make you laugh, those who snap you into place if you’re falling off track, the ones you don’t see often but share the deepest conversations with, those who love to party and then the few who you have no clue what they bring to the table just yet, but you love them anyway.  We’re so tolerant of our miscellany of friendships and the make-up bag of highly valued relationships we carry with us like a crutch. Yet, when it comes to finding our perfect match we expect some sort of all-in-one package. Is it practical to think that “the one” should embody all the things we've found in our friendships over a lifetime? If so, then what would be the point of everybody else? 

In order to recognize the missing tool to our collection we have to refine our life pallet through time and experience so that one day we can be willing and able to recognize, embrace, and then never live without that person. To find the missing puzzle piece one must have an existing puzzle made up of the relationships and experiences we've attained over our lifetime and these pieces are vital to distinguishing who or what is missing. 

As we sat together on the concrete picnic table tagged in declarations of love and gang signs, we concluded that our perfect match would not be the all-in-one package of everything we've already had an acquired taste for. Instead, they should be the one we've been oblivious to missing until their presence shows us that we are.
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